Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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