so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
