Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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