never play flip cup with pint glasses
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
