I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
