There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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