why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
this will be a night to untag.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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