They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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