So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
