my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I need to stop coming to work sober
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
