He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
