I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
