Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I met the friendliest cop last night
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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