Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
