If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
no. you can't hotbox the world.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
