Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
