i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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