I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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