Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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