so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Floor bacon is actually really good
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
God, I missed his penis.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
