He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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