I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
