worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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