Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
