but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
