How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Pants are for mortals
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
