I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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