I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
