he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
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I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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