Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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