yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
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Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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