There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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