Pregnant stripper...not hot.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
