Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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