If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
