shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How does it feel to date your dad?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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