The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
