I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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