dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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