i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
