The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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