I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
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Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize