Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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