I should be sponsored by Trojan
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
