being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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