You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
