Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
