i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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