What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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