I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
