Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
