guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
