So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
