Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
