yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
