Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
