its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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