no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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