i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
