Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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