i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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