Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
