Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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