I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
