I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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