Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
