Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
