yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
