i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
