How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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