I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
